I went to a relationship workshop in Salt Lake City this weekend given by Byron Katie. Parts of it were very deep and I realized I have a lot of work to do on my relationship with my grandmother. She died 7 years ago, but she lives on powerfully in my head. I pretty much hate her. I realized that if she's gonna live in my head, that I want her to be someone I love.
But that's a long journey down the road, and is in addition to the work I also realize I have to do around men. It was the plane ride back from SLC that surprised me. I've been afraid of flying for several years. Around the time when my mother and grandmother died, my general level of anxiety went up and I was unable to fly without taking valium for a while. I would also have episodes of, for instance, driving in my manual transmission car and being unable to shift on steep hills. Not good in San Francisco. Once, I had to put on the brake, get out switch places with a friend and have him drive the rest of the way.
My fear of flying had been lessening over the years, but I could work myself into a good scare if I wanted. I was just thinking how the work I need to do on my issues had prevented me from really going deep during the workshop when I realized I wasn't scared. I even forced myself to look out the window at the wing and imagine it falling off and the plane plummeting down and crashing into the mountains. Nothing. I started giggling to myself as all I could think I would say was, "Weeee!" I kept doing it throughout the flight and couldn't get a rise out of myself. Nevada mountains? Fine. Lake Tahoe? Fine. Tumbling into the Bay? A fine way to die. I'm so excited about this! I have no idea how I might act in the event of a real accident occurring, but how delightful to not experience it when it's not happening. Such a relief, and a very powerful lesson in how powerfully our minds can change our experience of the world.
I'm not a Work groupie, but it's helped me immensely. You can find out more at thework.com
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